Literal Wizards

 "The secret of magic is that there is no magic!"

                                                                                -    Oscrobulis the Phlegmatic

Wizards are magic nerd jerks.

That is what they seem to be and so that is what they are.

In Overtia, everything is exactly what it seems to be.

Know it All

Wizards know more than you by definition and they are horrendously aware of it. Wizards are wise men. Wise because they know things. Men because sexism. They are those nerdy guys who think they are being so funny by making references to media you don't know. They are the embodiment of "Umm akshually..." They always want to be perceived as intellectually and knowledgeable even in areas they know nothing about. Their ignorance will not stop them from trying to correct the writer of a paper about their own work.

There is No Magic

Wizards try to know it all because knowledge is power. This universe was rather shoddily constructed. It has glitches and exploits and if you know how to take advantage of them, you can do incredible things. That's right, wizards are the dudes who use exploits in multiplayer games. What assholes. Thus, there is no one thing called "magic," but rather enough study into anything might bring one to a point where you have understood one of the Secrets of the universe. These Secrets are carefully guarded. Knowledge of one of the Secrets can make one immensely powerful. Many wizards never actually learn one of the Secrets but rather only learn spells.

Spells instruct a wizard in a particular application of a Secret while also deliberately obscuring the actual Secret used. So most spells are about 80% nonsense and 20% actual esoteric power, but no one is completely sure of what is nonsense and what is power except the wizard who wrote the spell. Wizards do this because they have an undying need to be superior even to other wizards, but also because if a Secret is widespread enough, whoever the developers of the universe are might patch it out. 

The Secret of REDACTED was once patched out of existence only for Ascrabius the Loser to scream at the sky: "WHATEVER LOW PAID OVERWORKED INTERN RESPONSIBLE FOR WHIPING THE ASSES OF THEIR SUPERIORS AND TAKING AWAY EVERYTHING FUN IN THIS WRETCHED UNIVERSE CAN DROP DE..." Before he was mysteriously deleted. 

*Checks notes* who were we talking about again? I don't know who that is... Anyway...

The gods might also think you are getting uppity and crush you with a large stone. This has been the fate of far too many wizards, like Smashius the Crushed which was surprisingly his name and epitaph far before his much deserved smooshing.

1d6 Beginner's Secrets

Some wizarding schools make their students learn at least one of the beginner Secrets in order to be called wizards. Here are some Secrets that are subtle and weak enough that their wide propagation is unthreatening.

1. The Secret of Sparks: The Secret of Fire is a godlike power that only one wizard, Phoebe the Phoenix Empress, has ever learned, but the Secret of Sparks is different. Many underestimate Sparks as just the tiny embers that can start a fire with flammable material or perhaps the flashy bursts of light to catch the eye. You can summon both such things at will, however the Secret of Sparks is a far more powerful thing. It is the tiny burst of energy that unleashes a tidal wave of pent up potential. If someone or something is primed and ready to do something and just needs the tiniest of pushes to do so, this Secret will push them over the edge.
2. The Secret of One's Own Shadow: You can make friends with your own shadow. This requires feeding your shadow regularly and keeping up a good rapport with it. Then you can manipulate your shadow any way you desire and even manipulate small objects that your shadow falls upon. The greater secret of this Secret is the ability to integrate one's own shadow self, to harness the dark side of yourself when needed.
3. The Secret of Being Ignored: Walk just right. Keep your eyes down. Walk with the tired assurance of one who begrudgingly belongs. There are certain absolute signifiers that make eyes slide right over you and the mastery of these things will ensure you will always be ignored. There are secret ways and unseen paths for those who are ignored.
4. The Secret of Fingernails: You have perfect mastery over all fingernails. This is gross.
5. The Secret of Saliva: Make yourself or surfaces you can touch sticky or slick through precise control of your glands and bodily fluids. The diet required to achieve this effect is obscene.
6. The Secret of Petrichor: Petrichor is the smell of dust after rain, the pleasant odor of the dry earth receiving water once more. The Secret of Petrichor might be the most subtle and most powerful of the lesser Secrets. Here is the sweet union of heaven and earth. Here is rebirth and new life rising from the ashes. Here is the oldest promise kept. Here is the future born and new possibilities are born. Here there is hope that something might grow from the dry soil. For a beginning practitioner, the Secret of Petrichor might allow one to freshen old and dried out things, renew food that has gone gone stale or rotten, or create a small amount of moisture. For one who has gained true insight and risen to mastery, you might clothe dry bones with flesh and cause rivers to flow in a wasteland.

1d6 Wizard Hooks

1. The Grand Tome of Transcendent Digestion, said to contain clues to the Secret of Flatulence, is 248 years overdue. The last wizard who checked it out of the Old Library Under the Log was Foorbon the Incalculable who made his home among the Dusty Catacombs of the Dry Baron. He is probably dead, though his home will no doubt contain many dangers.
2. You've been challenged to a Wizard duel by Poriphirus the Unmanly. Rumor has it she has discovered a new an powerful Secret. You must discover what it is to have any chance of beating her.
3. You have discovered an annotated copy of the spell Bigby's Hand from Bigby, himself! Somewhere within this spell is the Secret of Shadow Puppets, somehow. You have enough information to begin experimenting with the spell although this is a dangerous and even deadly endeavor and the spell will react unpredictably as you meddle with its formulation.
4. Therapian the Slithering has uncovered the Secret of Snakes and he has created a cabal of mages by passing down spells based on the Secret. This cabal has been terrorizing the countryside and enslaving people for their nefarious ends. If you can steal Therapian's personal grimoire, you could put an end to this cult.
5. You are convinced that your mom knows the Secret of the Evil Eye. She is totally unwilling to even discuss this with you let alone share this Secret. You don't even know if she consciously understands that she knows this Secret. This might be worth studying.
6. The Night Lords discovered the Secret of Undeath and transformed themselves into liches to spite the moon aka the goddess Luna, Mother of Shades. You have found a map to one of their ancient cities where it is said that a Night Lord still unlives.