YARHG! Tables for Pirates and their Ships

Nautical weirdos abound! This was inspired by Skerples' recent posts and uses some of his setting stuff.

I'm the Captain around here! (1d20):

1. His long black beard is the stuff of sailor's nightmares. He sold his soul to the devil and now he cannot die no matter how much he wants to.
2. This pirate is a bit of a dandy, wearing a lot of frilly clothes and meticulously grooming himself before a raid. You should not, however, underestimate his cruelty or ability.
3. A very angry lizardman with a trident.
4. She was the captain's bed slave. He tongue might have been cut out but that did not stop her from killing the captain and ruthlessly taking over his ship.
5. A flaming demi-lich skull that occasionally accidentally disintegrates its crewmen. It wears an eye patch though it has no eyes.
6. A man gives the orders and walks the deck, but the crew all know that the real captain is in that chest that the captain never allows anyone to see.
7. She might be only 13 years old but only she can control the Thing that lurks beneath the waves.
8. The captain's sunken eyes stare out like opals from within the depths of his skull. His grey beard seems to enrobe him like a cloak. He is searching for something out here... or someone.
9. She calls the waves friend and the winds obey her commands. Beware the witch of the seas.
10. IT looks like a man. IT walks like a man. IT speaks like a man. But IT is anything but a man.
11. She is probably a vampire or a succubus but no one minds too much. She has ways of rewarding loyal crewmen that keeps them around.
12. This scarred shark man stands by his word. If you hand over what he wants, he will leave you alone. Just don't bleed near him.
13. This little wrinkled old lady is wonderful to parlay with. She will invite you to tea and let you sit in her lovely sitting room. Oh no, you shouldn't have drunk the tea.
14. She is covered in charm and totems. They dangle from her necks and arms and waist. Careful, else you could become her next trinket.
15. The captain and his parrot switched brains a long time ago. It is now normal for the crew.
16. He smokes a pipe in the shape of a dragon as he strokes his fu man chu. His main concern is destroying competition in the opium market.
17. The captain is invisible. His clothes are but his body is entirely invisible.
18. An Eld high-up that left the Isle because he/she sided with the Hot-Hell rather than the Cold. They maintain control with several powerful Eld devices.
19. Sign on this ship once, you sign up forever. Not even death can pull you from this captain's cold grip.
20. The captain is a pale bald man with an empty, menacing smile and coal-black eyes. Sign his contract, go ahead. It's not like it will cost you your soul.

This be my first officer (1d20):

1. A man with charcoal black skin, wearing scarlet robes. She claims to see the future in flames and serve a fiery god.
2. A necromancer that can call on the spirits of the drowned to control the waves.
3. A warrior with twin swords and a flute. No one has seen beneath her veiled straw-hat but the captain. The crew fears her. They are right to.
4. An intelligent armored bear. It cannot talk but will fiercely fight the captain's foes and follow commands.
5. An astrologer that is oddly good at predicting storms.
6. Things squirm beneath his skin as he lurches one foot after another. His eyes are empty. He is too.
7. She speaks whispers of dooms that may never come. Riddles are her language. The third eye in her forehead in bloodshot.
8. An ant man, disgusted by the inefficiency of the crew compared to his home hill.
9. The crew walks to the gentle rhythm of her golden marimba. Her hands are like that of a child. Her eyes see that which we do not.
10. A happy bird man with bulbous eyes. Its long banana beak is striped with different colors. It will peck out the eyes of any that threaten the captain.
11. They think he comes from Chult. He wears a tusked mask of porcelain and gold and plays his bongos constantly. Everyone that hears his bongos know what he wants them to do, even if they are not sure why. The bongos have a lilting, hypnotic beat.
12. This orange monk wields a highly decorated silver mace. A many armed elephant god adorns the clasp of his robe.
13. A swordsman, serving the captain as he would his liege. His white robes betray hands that are anything but pure.
14. There are eyes in her palms. Those that look into them will not be able to resist that gravelly voice coming from beneath that flowing jet-black hair.
15. A tall man in a yellow robe, wearing a frowning wooden mask. Many black, scaly arms reach out from beneath those robes when he is threatened.
16. The sound of him sharpening his knives can be heard from all over the ship. Everyone knows you always thank the cook for his delicious food and don't pay too much heed to where the meat may have come from.
17. A swaggering drunk with the uniform of an officer from the Old World. Whether that is what he used to be or if he stole it is unknown.
18. The captain's wife/husband: she/he is every bit as crazy and as brutal as the captain but hotter and the captain is jealous of the respect others show her/him and often suspect her/him of planning to betray him/her.
19. The captain's shadow. It is very much alive and can exist separately from him/her. It is resentful of the captain's three-dimensions.
20. The captain's twin sibling.

And this be my crew! (1d20):

1. All the crewmen are skeletons, but they continue acting as if they are alive and will not believe anyone who attempts to inform them of their undeath.
2. Pirate Orcs!
3. A bunch of insane goblins. They fire themselves out of the cannons as ammunition. 
4. Scurvy scallywags! Get these guys some citrus, honestly.
5. Soldiers that fled the navies of the Old World powers.
6.  Yellow City riverboat crew that adapted their ways to sail the high seas.
7. Hot-hell loving Eld that fled their Cold-Hell loving brethren.
8. Escaped Chultan plantation slaves.
9. The crew is mostly silent, traumatized by memories of an encounter with a horrifically gigantic sea creature. Some of them are starting to hear its whispers in their dreams.
10. The crew appears to be mindless wood golems, following their orders to the letter.
11. The crew is cursed, exhibiting various states of mutation. They seem to be increasingly gaining fish-like characteristics. 
12. The crew is made up of bound lesser demons, looking for any hole in their comprehensive contracts to escape their bondage.
13. Cold-eyed, bearded warriors with white beards and horned helms. Steam escapes their mouths with each breath.
14. Very fashionable pirates with matching uniforms. They like to break into song.
15. The child-survivors of a shipwreck. They have become hardened and untrusting.
16. Sea creatures, apparently fine existing out of the water, work together to follow the captain's orders.
17. The crew has been at sea too long. Mutiny is brewing.
18. The crew is full of people who have lost various limbs eyes and ears, using crude prosthetics. Some look as though their dismemberment was on purpose.
19. The crew is covered in tattoos of an unknown nature. They are extremely competent and obedient. Each one would give their life at the captain's command.
20. The crew are all carriers of a terrible plague. Allow them near at your peril.

Weird Stuff (As if it wasn't weird enough already) (1d20):

1. The ship is accompanied by a great monster from the deep. It might be controlled by a person aboard or perhaps some artifact.
2. In a flash of green light, the ship can travel anywhere on the high seas in an instant. Perhaps some artifact is the source of this power?
3. The ship doesn't actually float. It has been bolted onto the back of a giant turtle. The turtle is intelligent though it cannot talk, however it is slightly telepathic and it wants to be free.
4. The ship can submerge itself beneath the waves and surface without issue.
5. The ship can fly.
6. The ship can travel to other worlds. Their base is on a different plane of existence.
7. The ship is made of an unknown metal that floats like wood.
8. The ship has a great gnashing maw that can crush entire vessels.
9. The ship itself is a giant mimic. It must be fed large quantities of meat.
10. The ghosts of the aristocratic former owners still haunt the ship and try to undermine the pirates.
11. The sounds of a great pipe organ can be heard as the ship approaches.
12. The ship always sits in the eye of a mighty storm.
13. The sails are made of living human faces. They moan and scream as the winds shift.
14. The ship is being chased by an enormous sea monster. It is never too far behind.
15. The ship is cursed to be constantly lost on the high seas.
16. The sea turns blood red to signal the ship's approach.
17. The ship has an enormous harpoon launcher. The harpoon is tipped with a diamond. This is obviously a weapon for killing an incredibly dangerous creature.
18. The ship regularly makes trips to the underworld.
19. The ship is bigger on the inside. Not even the captain has explored the world within the hull. Regularly safe passages also shift and change within. Crewmen are often lost as a consequence. Many of them suspect that other things live down there in the ship's depths.
20. The ship is a floating castle. It is literally a castle that somehow manages to sail the seas.

What are they carrying in the hold (1d20):

1. Opium. Lots of it.
2. Weapons stolen from an Old World transport.
3. Slaves.
4. Lots of meat. Some of it is human.
5. A mysterious chest. Its lock is shaped like a golden snake. It will bite.
6. Giant clams.
7. Exotic animals in cages.
8. Many bottles all emptied of their notes.
9. Crates of expensive tea.
10. Crustaceans in crates.
11. Kegs of rum.
12. Crates of wheat.
13. Cotton.
14. Sugar and tobacco. 
15. Bizarre shells of alien aquatic creatures. Some have not been emptied.
16. Fancy doilies.
17. The corpse of a massive whale. Weird parasites hide within.
18. Nice hats.
19. Lots of tribal masks. Some of them are magical and/or cursed.
20. Idols stolen from ancient ruins. They are completely cursed.

What do they want? (1d12):

1. Your loot.
2. They suspect that your ship might have a magical item they want.
3. They are looking for pieces of a map to an incredible treasure. 
4. They want to eat you.
5. They need sacrifices for a great beast or a dark ritual.
6. They want you as slaves.
7. They want to eliminate competition for their particular faction.
8. They mindlessly fight their own little war, seeing anyone else as an enemy.
9. They are following the orders of a shadowy entity that has seen you as a threat to their plans.
10. They want to escape someone or something chasing them. If their best chances of survival are to make you its next meal instead, they will try to disable you.
11. They want to recruit people to their faction. They don't take nicely to being refused.
12. They want to trade a piece of loot that they want to get rid of. This item is almost certainly cursed but it looks very valuable.