Now Presenting!: Tables for Bizarre Courtly Characters and their Relationships

1d20 Bizzare Courtly Characters:

1. Gail Glamour-Eyes: A small, round-faced woman with incredibly large glassy eyes, full of bright kaleidoscopic patterns. She speaks softly and has an unshakeable little smile. A Decorative Egg of Wonder fell and shattered before her, permanently searing unfathomable awe into her eyes and mind. Her tears fall as tiny beautiful opalescent crystals. 
2. The Gray Lady of Grief: She is covered in living moths from head to foot. White lilies are woven throughout her long silver hair. She weeps constantly and her face is concealed by her hands and hair.
3. The People's Republic of Jeff: This clockwork automaton is run from within by thousands of tiny, fiercely democratic people. They collectively decide every action of Jeff, their lives accelerated beyond normal speed paired with an incredibly fast mechanized voting system such that they are able to respond, albeit with a small delay to all that happens in the outside world. Some sentences emerge which are evidently the result of determined jokesters.
4. The Lamb of Lemuria: A small statue of a sitting lamb with a peaceful human face cut from a single large pearl. It is carried on a red silk pillow by two lamassu named Fate and Freedom. Freedom has wings of gold while Fate has wings of obsidian. Freedom has eyes like fire while Fate has eyes of the purest diamond. They speak for the lamb, alternating sentences based off of rules which are the talk of Lemurian philosophers. When the Lamb speaks for itself, all that hear know that what has been said is the absolute truth. Such pronouncements are extremely rare.
5. Priest of the Glittering Gaze: His thread of gold robes and platinum mask are covered in round gemstones of a thousand kinds. He speaks for a god which sees all that is done in secret and often knows that which no one should know. Needless to say, his church receives plenty of donations from nobles who wish to keep their secrets.
6. Baron Bellicose: His mustache is the largest and most magnificent in the land, supported by an elaborate decorative headgear and spotted with rings and bells. He has a saber, its scabbard adorned with a golden heron, and he wears a red uniform covered in his many medals of valor. A great metallic blue hawk sits atop a golden stand on his hat, giving everyone around a grim stair. It occasionally hops to the mustache to be fed.
7. She Who Knits Doom: Long black hair flows over a pale upside-down face. Her reptilian eyes rest below an eternal, knowing smile, tinged with bitterness. She drags behind her dress made of fulfilled prophecies of doom which she constantly knits, her hands always at quick but methodical work. Her needles are made of bone and she occasionally lets out a low rumbling chuckle, revealing black gums and a forked tongue.
8. The Emissary of the Notmen: It is unknown what this creature's name is, if it has a name, or even if it is the same creature each time. No one has seen another of its kind and no one has seen its true form. To the outside world, it looks like a pale, lanky man, its arms and legs jerking like a puppet as it poorly attempts to emulate human locomotion. Its eyes are concealed by obsidian sunglasses and it is dressed in a skintight black suit. Its limbs and fingers regularly bend in ways that would be impossible for a human, and he makes no effort to better his facade, taking amusement from the discomfort his presence provokes. 
9. The Perch: An ancient hunched monk in a tattered cloak made of stitched together banners of ancient warbands slain in combat. Atop his back are perched six, midnight-black ravens and a single white raven. They have made a nest up there out of thorny branches covered in dry blood, strewn with the medals and trophies of fallen soldiers in pointless wars. The black ravens quarrel and react but the definitive voice of the Perch is the white raven whose pronouncements none of his fellows contradict though they may complain.
10. Princess Porcina: A small but perfect girl. For her overall size, she is perfectly proportioned and in every way is the most beautiful woman that any man has ever laid eyes upon. She is, however, fragile as glass and rides about in an egg of transparent gemstone and golden wire supported and moved by four animated golden lion legs. She is guarded by a Unicorn in adamantium armor laced with platinum whose horn shimmers with the light of day. Autumn leaves appear in its wake and falsehoods cannot be spoken in its presence.
11. The Magnificent Igo: His massive toothy head is supported by small colorful hot air balloons operated by tiny tan apes wearing goggles. His puny body is colorfully dressed like a general, though he could wear baby's clothes. His great nose snorts as he laughs and whistles as he exaggerates his deeds.
12. Lady Kettle: She is a great living kettle, full to the brim of boiling water and flame. Steam escapes from the great crown of pipes that emerges from her head and water spurts from spouts about her person and at the ends of her fingers. Animated teacups and urns follow and circle her to catch these expulsions and a large animated chest carries around tea to make with said water. It is said that vases and cups will animate of their own accord to follow her and that she frequently punctuates her speech with offers of tea.
13. Lord Adonis: A Grecian statute, clothed in vines and moss with a crown of thorny roses about his head. Grapes and other fruit grow on his person. He is always posing and knows a vast amount of history from his position as the only surviving thing from the old regime's palace where he watched over the royal gardens. He represents the many living statues and gargoyles which have made the gardens their home.
14. Dan Dashing: Dan is an extremely attractive "prince from a far off land." Few have the education to realize that all his clothes, medals, and jewelry are stolen from all the lands that he has blazed a trail of deflowered maidens through. He will steal everything he can and sleep with everyone he can before fleeing in the middle of the night to another kingdom. 
15. Father Babyl: A grouchy old priest with a very tall hat. Indeed his hat is a tower, currently being built upon by sentient ants. Cranes swing around on his head if he turns too quickly. He is always in favor of building more and taller. "Let us build a new tower to commemorate this occasion!"
16. Lord Hootentocken: His head is a delicately crafted silver owl with clocks in both eyes, one running counterclockwise. He wears a blue jacket with silver lace. Two cats follow him: a red cat with a golden sunburst on its collar and a midnight blue cat with a silver moon on its collar. They look hungrily at his head. 
17. Lady Kosm: She glows from within like the sun and her golden hair glimmers and dances upon her hair like flame. A solar system of spherical gemstones circles her head. She wears a dress of raven's feathers, sparkling throughout with white diamonds.
18. Sir Cockerel: A knight whose family crest is a rooster. Every time he tries to get in on with a lady, a knight with a mace appears and tries to bludgeon his penis. He has chopped this knight to pieces over and over again but he just keeps coming back. He had taken to wearing an armored codpiece just in case.
19. Lord Heindrick of the Ash: Pale, tall, wearing a tattered dark cloak which drags on the ground behind him and a ratty ancient scarf woven by his only true love who died long ago. He is followed by a rotting wildebeest who speaks the names of those who have just died. Every room in which he stands becomes dark and cold.
20. Duchess Lioness: Her hair is layers of crimson feathers and she has horns which curl upwards from her head. Her canines are sharp and she has talons on her hands and feet. She is followed by her zoo of horrifically hybridized people. Half her manservant's face is that of a glaring chimp as is one of his arms. He ladies in waiting are ladies with swan necks and bodies with human legs. Many children ruan to the Zoo with the promise of freedom, only to find themselves in such forms.

By Akiya Kageichi found on Pinterest

1d20 Relationships:

Roll for each different actor on the table above or insert your own.

1. A hates B with a burning passion over some slight years ago. The details of this incident are still a source of amusement for the Court much to A's chagrin.
2. A and B fight for the affections of C. Each has gone to great effort to outdo the other with increasingly elaborate displays.
3. A has an item or piece of land that B desperately desires, but A will not part with it.
4. A knows a secret of B's. B would do anything to keep that secret from getting out. Anything.
5. A suspects B is hiding something of importance. Perhaps B is a spy of an enemy house? Or has malicious plans against the Court? Or perhaps this is all just in A's head.
6. A's monetary interests are directly at odds with B's. The two competitors are not above sabotage to get ahead.
7. A's family and B's family have an ancient blood feud. Each plots the death of the other.
8. A must complete a ritual that B will do anything to stop. 
9. A has been spying on B, looking for any kind of information to use as leverage. The spies have been ineffectual so far. Perhaps outsiders would be more effective?
10. A pretends to like B to get in B's good graces so that A can gain power in the Court.
11. A and B gather their forces. Both have solid claims to the throne and the King grows weaker in his old age.
12. A and B are fast friends and C wants to break up this friendship in order to overturn A and B's powerful alliance.
13. A wants B dead but B has a powerful guardian. However, C knows some weakness or has some key to defeating the guardian.
14. A and B are married/caught in a binding contract. A hates this and would like to end the marriage/contract but B doesn't want to end it. Without the consent of both parties, the laws concerning divorce/ending the contract are extremely complex and strange thus the situation is at a standstill.
15. A is under an enchantment by B. C suspects that this is the case and D knows how to break the spell. 
16. A has made a prophecy of doom concerning B, leaving B desperate to have some way of avoiding destruction.
17. A is a guest in B's home and has vastly overstayed their welcome, but the laws of hospitality forbid outright kicking B out.
18. A is under a curse to transform into a hideous beast under certain conditions. B suspects and would like to expose this curse to ruin A.
19. A and B are fierce competitors at dueling/chess/croquet/cards/some magical game. B has begun to become a little too competitive and will resort to cheating. Outsiders would be a useful tool for that very purpose.
20. A hates how pious B is because it makes A look bad. A wants to outdo B's religiosity and expose B as the sinner A knows they are, no matter how true this assertion is.